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Trai(nui)esc frumos. Munțomănesc. Visez. Zâmbesc cu ochii. Râd cu sufletul.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Don’t BOOK Your Addiction, FACE It!

(Toastmasters International, “Competent Communication”, project 2)

LATER EDIT (10.09.2011)
1. the Speech Marathon, went great!
2. funny as it may sound, the only answers received to the last question in this post were written on my Facebook profile and not here, on the web blog :))
3. the good/ right/ proper/ expected answer to my question (Facebook is the second most popular name that starts with an F and ends with a K, which is the first one) is, (OBVIOUSLY!!!!) "Feeding the ducks in the parK"!

On her deathbed, an old woman desperately wanted to see her grandson. When he came to her bed, she told him: “My dear boy, I feel I’m going to die soon. I want you to have all my belongings – my 3 villas, the farm with all the animals, the orchard and my entire lifetime treasure – 250 million dollars. They are all yours, use them wisely!”. Completely stunned, the guy said: “Thank you so much, grandma!! But where are all these?”. Breathing her last, grandma answered: “On Facebook…”.

            Exactly one month ago I delivered my second speech during a Toastmasters club meeting. I had postponed it so many times these past couple of months, that I felt really embarrassed to do it again, even though I had realized I didn't have the time to prepare it as I would wanted to. I felt a little disappointed, because although the subject chosen was of great interest and also my comic intentions have been properly understood by my fellow Toastmasters, the delivery process per se seemed quite poor to me, at least compared to my first speech. This is why I was really glad when Rinda, our dear club coach, suggested me to deliver it once again, during the Speech Marathon we are hosting on Tuesday, September 6th at Ceai Etcaetera (instead of our weekly regular meeting at Prefectura). I’m not used to second chances, so I immediately grabbed this one and took a fast hold of it!
            For those of you who are not familiar with the Competent Communication Manual we are using in order to learn how to properly organize and deliver our speeches, I will briefly tell you what was the assignment I had to follow. The second project in the manual is called Organize Your Speech and its objectives are as follows:
- select an appropriate outline which allows listeners to easily follow and understand the speech
- make the message clear, with supporting material directly contributing to that message
- use appropriate transitions when moving from one idea to another
- create a strong opening and conclusion

            A well organized speech has four strong benefits for the audience: it is easier to understand, easier to remember, more credible and more enjoyable. I wandered through many possible topics, till I have decided I found the perfect one – up to date, challenging and, sometimes, even life-changing: the Facebook experience, or, truth be said, the Facebook obsession. Please find below the script of my second speech. A mention is required – this is a slightly changed shape of the speech I delivered on August 2nd. Relying on the feed-backs I had received, and on the evaluation I had been given, I decided to draw some minor alterations to the initial form. Nevertheless, the changes are almost intangible.

The Thin Line between Fad and F.A.D.

    Do you know what’s the first thing a Facebook faddist does when he sees that outside is snowing? Obviously, he updates his status on Facebook: “It’s snowing!!”. And do you know what does an F.A.D. fellow instantly reply to his status? “Where, where? Share the link!”.
      I think it’s time to introduce myself: Fellow Toastmasters, distinguished guests, hello, my name is Roxi and I’m a...

1. Why do we think we need a Facebook account?
    Being a Facebook user nowadays is like being a biped breathing air.  (addressing to someone in the audience who doesn’t have one) “You don’t have a Facebook account?! Oh, my! How is that possible? Don’t you have electricity or what’s wrong with you?!” – more or less, this is the reaction we, the almighty Facebook users, pass out to those who think one real life is enough, no need for a virtual parallel one. Not having a Facebook account nowadays is like going invisible for the great majority who owns one.

     Even if you may find it high-sounding, Facebook is literally taking over the world. Everyone from eager-to-fit-in teenagers, to jobless spouses, educated business people or trendy grandparents has joined the phenomenon. I remember how I ended up being a part of this vicious circle. My ex boyfriend, a person who had deeply hated all these socializing sites, decided one day to create an account, only to play a game. From that day on, I had no other choice but to listen to him and all my other friends talking about how great neighbours they were, of how one of them was able to pick the other’s golden egg yet not fast enough to catch his pig and, long story short – eventually, they got me enslaved. For around 10 months I was unreachable. All my life (and when I say all, all it is!) had been planned around the hours my vegetables needed to fully grow, my trees to be harvested and my animals to be fed and taken care of.
       Fortunately, at least after 10 months stupidly wasted, my Farmville obsession came to an end. Unfortunately, it was followed by a new one, the Facebook obsession. You may take it as a joke, but some specialists labeled this so-called obsession as being a sort of disease and they have even come up with a name for it: F.A.D. = Facebook Addiction Disorder, a condition that approximately 350 million people all around the world are suffering from. But how do we now where and when do we end being Facebook faddists and start being true F.A.D.s?      

2. When do we know we are becoming Facebook addicts?
    Let’s take some for instances. I think we may start considering having a problem if we set Facebook as starting page on our internet browsers. Then, besides of the obvious fact that we check our profile ten times an hour, we also have it open on at least 3 internet tabs at a time. Moreover, it’s not only that we can spend hours doing something on Facebook, but we can as easily spend hours doing NOTHING on Facebook! We have a lot of photo albums and we actually take the trouble to tag each and every person in our photos. Not to say that we get all like “hey guys, guys, come, gather all around, this one is for Facebook!” when taking a photo.
    We get all excited when we receive a like, we rely on Facebook to remember birthdates and also to notify us about a soon-to-come party or event. We actually start to believe that “poking” is a valid form of flirting and we allow unauthorized comments to influence personal decisions.
    Of course, there are other more alarming cases like when we start replacing real dates with Facebook virtual dates, when we become anxious and even nervous to find out what might had been posted on our wall while we were gone, or when 8 out of 10 friends on our friends’ list are totally strangers we treat as old buddies. To sum up, in my opinion, till we don’t cross this line, we are only faddists, trapped in a trend that will most surely vanish sooner or later. After we cross it, this is when we may consider having an F.A.D. issue.

3. What can we do to step out of this?
       I believe there is no better recipe than the one you prescribe to your own needs. So here is mine; it consists of 5 types of pills which I take on a regularly basis, so I don’t forget what I am throwing myself into. Consider the following cure:
    ● Facebook is like prison – we write on walls and get poked by people we don’t know. It may sound friendly and fun at the beginning, yet on a second thought it’s actually quite creepy.

    Facebook doesn’t make us skinny, nor our friends fat. That is to say, the image of ourselves we try to fashion up by means of this socializing site is fooling no one in the long run, but us.
   ● Friendship on Facebook is like peeing in your pants; everyone instantly notices it and talks about it, yet you are the only one who knows that the feeling it brings down on your legs is the only warm thing such a friendship can offer you.
   ● Some say I would rather check my Facebook than face my check book. I say once in a while quit Facebook and face the books on your nightstand. Signing off will surely pay off.

    Make your own “I couldn’t care less” button on Facebook. Take a break. Close your eyes. Log out. Stop involving. Stop mourning on your wall. Stop kidding yourself – there is no such thing as “it’s complicated”; you’re single or, even worse, the other one is not. As simple as that! Admit once and forever life is not Facebook- like – you cannot delete anyone off your page and take back things you’ve said. You cannot step out of everything by going offline – such things as Oh my, Jesus is coming! Look busy! – don’t actually work in real life. Care to actually stop caring for everything going on on your Facebook home page.

    Dear friends, this is the cure I would suggest you to follow, if you don’t want to give up Facebook, but neither turn into an F.A.D. fanatic. Fad people, as well as F.A.D. people are people like you and me. Some say the glass is half full, some others say it is half empty. As for myself, I like to say “Hey, if you ain’t gonna drink that, hand it over”, but for this I need a real glass and a real hand to take it out of. Fellow Toastmasters, distinguished guests, my name is Roxi and there is no way Facebook would ever stop me from rising a glass with my real friends!

       As I’ve said, the alterations in the speech shape are minor. The major problem, which I hope to cast away by means of this second delivery, is in the way I had presented it. I didn’t have time to prepare it very well, so I looked a little too much down on my notes, fact that made me quite insecure and also didn’t allow me to focus on vocal variety, body language and eye contact. Not to mention my common issue – I talked very fast, first because I was nervous, second because I was afraid I won’t finish the speech in time and third… well third because this is the way I usually speak J. This is probably the main aspect I need to work at. The purpose of my speech was to approach a matter of great importance nowadays in a funnier and relaxing way, to settle it in the imaginary background of an AA meeting (FA meeting, in this case) and to ground the whole discussion on a pun: Fad (caprice, crank) vs. F.A.D. (Facebook Addiction Disorder). I realized afterwards, when I received the recording of my speech, that I didn’t allow the audience to assimilate all these subtle aspects, moreover I didn’t grant them time to laugh at my jokes. Consequently, a slower pace would be the first improvement I need to proceed at during this second delivery. You can see below the evaluation and feed-back sleeves I have received for this first delivery (click on the photos to enlarge).


       For those of you who are interested to come to the Speech Marathon we are hosting Tuesday, September 6th @ Ceai Etcaetera, please contact me and I will give you further information. You don’t have to prepare a speech or do anything else, just be there. It's just a way to get to know us better (and helplessly fall in love and then join, as all of us did J). Give it a try, it’s worth every sip of tea you’ll take!  

           I would like to know your opinion about Facebook
              Do you have a facebook account (of course you do!)? 
              How addicted are you (I assume we all are, to a certain extent)? 
              How does Facebook influence your personal/ professional life? 
             Oh, and did you know that Facebook is the second most popular name that starts with an F and ends with a K? Do you happen to guess which the first one is? (I will come back with the answer, if no one guesses it)
          Thanks for reading and staying tuned! Toddles!




  1. Hi, Rocs! Mi-a placut si acest speech si imaginile care il insotesc. Eu am un cont de facebook pe care nu il folosesc, fiindca nu ma intereseaza sa il si nici nu stiu sa il. Nici nu stiu la ce mi-ar folosi de fapt... Mi-ar ajunge degetele de la o mana, de la care lipsesc 2-3 degete, sa-mi numar prietenii, asa ca, la ce bun? Sigur, ma refer la prietenii reali, nu cei virtuali. Mi-am facut cont doar pentru ca doua bune cunostinte insistau sa fiu prietena cu ele pe Facebook...dar atat. Sigur, ar mai fi ideea ca poti, intr-o colectivitate, sa primesti prietenia unora, sa te "infiltrezi" in grup ca sa afli despre ce se vorbeste acolo, adica o buna metoda de spionat...Am colege care fac asta pentru a stii care este atmosfera printre studenti. Imi repugna metoda, asa ca nu o folosesc. In consecinta, nu sunt in pericol de F.A.D. Dar stii cumva ceva despre blog addicted? :)

    P.S. N-am uitat ca-ti sunt datoare cu un raspuns dar asta saptamana viitoare, cand ajung acasa.

  2. faina abordare!!c ya on facebook!!:)

  3. @ Traveling Hawk - sunt de acord cu dvs. in ceea ce priveste prietenii care pot fi numarati pe degetele de la o mana (si nici aia intreaga, de multe ori...) si, de asemenea, cu faptul ca un cont de facebook nu e chiar deloc o necesitate. Eu zic ca se poate dovedi util din anumite puncte de vedere, dar sincer nu stiu cati dintre noi il folosesc sub acest aspect. Eu una, nu.
    Cat despre blog addicted, chiar citisem cu ceva timp in urma un articol (pe un blog, desigur:)), despre dependenta pe care o poate crea si scrisul pe blog. Sau, mai bine spus, nu atat scrisul, cat ideea de a avea un blog fiindca.. "se poarta", chiar daca nu ai nimic de comunicat. Adevarul e ca atatea bloguri apar si dispar in jurul meu, pline de regula cu diferite aberatii luate de pe net sau bancuri sau "stiati ca..." etc. Nu am putut sa nu observ la multi si obsesia de a posta zilnic ceva, orice, doar sa posteze. Mi-au picat in mana niste bloguri dragute, la un moment dat (dragute = decente in informatia lor), dar si alea umplute in zilele de restriste informationala cu balarii, doar de dragul vizualizarilor. Cred ca si asta e un soi de dependenta...
    Si ca o ultima idee, astept cu drag parerile dvs. cand aveti timp, nu e nicio graba. Chiar vroiam sa va spun ca intr-o zi am mers sa caut cartea pe care mi-ati recomandat-o si nu am gasit-o, dar am gasit in schimb cartea de Lisa See pe care ati cumparat-o dvs. si am luat-o pe aceea. Cand o sa imi gasesc putin timp (si dispozitie...) o sa scriu un articol pe tema asta. E interesant cat de diferite pot fi abordarile aceleiasi autoare, nu vi se pare?!
    O zi buna!

    @ Laura - hehe, bine punctat :))

  4. Doamne multam ca inca ne mai ai pe noi :)) altfel ai devenii o F.A.D. Great speech, daca eram in sala ma ridicam in picioare si aplaudam si cu picioarele :)))) Sa speram ca nu imi dai ignore si am sa devin si eu invisible for you.See you in real life :) Simysha

    PS> The most popular name that starts with F and ends with K is Frank from Frank Sinatra.

  5. :)) mersi scumpa, chiar a fost un succes speech-ul la maraton, sunt mandra de mine :) Tu nu vei fi niciodata invisible pt. mine! ?Miss you sweetie, thx for reading!